So many decisions!!! Even my decisions need decisions! From deciding whether or not I need a birthing class, to where to register, what should be on the registry, what brands, colors, etc..... natural or drugs? My head is going to explode..... and so far all we've decided is her name, that she's going to play soccer and do martial arts. That she'll play an instrument of some sort (percussion if I really get my way) and who gets dibs when it comes to games versus competitions and concerts. Ha! Oh and as much chorus/choir as she can fit in. But who knows she could come out having completely different ideas of her own.... maybe she'll want to be a rodeo clown or a race car driver :O
We finally started some sort of registry, but the annoying part now is that the things I finally decide I want are out of stock or sold out. I found a couple of things at Target and Walmart seems to be the only place that has the high chair I want. Am I being irrational for wanting (ok, maybe even needing) things to match??? The nice thing about doing a registry is getting to pick things out and not having to actually spend any money- the annoying thing about doing a registry is having the registry person helping you questioning your choices. Like, why is the Babies R Us registry lady asking me why things have to match? Excuse me but why do I have to justify myself to you??? Because it's my damn baby and I have friggin OCD and I want things to match dammit!!! And I don't like brown- I want pink and black! Brown is ugly and the color of poop, and I'm going to see enough of it changing diapers I don't want to see it when I look at my baby furniture. Maybe YOU should have a better selection in your inventory.
These are the things I couldn't wait for the baby shower to have..... Minus several more outfits that Ryan's mother and I just HAD to buy. I will admit shopping for a little girl is much easier than shopping for a little boy and it helps that my favorite color is pink. ;) So until she's old enough to tell me she doesn't like pink, pink it is! Ryan had actually accused me of wearing so much pink it seeped into the fetus. I had to explain to him that it was in fact HIS sperm that had the deciding factor. We had a good laugh about it :)
So far, this is going to be her going home outfit. Even though I've chosen pink elephants as a theme- I chose this because of the fact that I seriously cannot stop eating anything with bananas, banana flavored or otherwise so we have taken to calling her "monkey" already. Of course there's a chance I'll find something even cuter in the next couple (omg) months, but this is it for now.
Even though I obviously don't want her to EVER grow up, I know that she eventually will- this is the one thing we bought (thank you Grandma Tracy!) that I CANNOT wait for her to grow into! Seriously, how cute is this?? I can't stand it... I take it out and look at it allll the time.
Because I don't really watch other sports- I got dibs on the football team :) Very proud to say I won that battle.... even though it unfortunately means she'll be a Lakers and Yankees fan (ugh!) but at least I got my Patriots. If anyone feels like contributing to the cause, these are the omgsodamncute things I found in the proshop:
I chose elephants as a theme because Ryan is half Laotian. Elephants are his family's country's animal and supposed to be lucky. Also my dear departed Nauni happened to love elephants so it's just perfect all around. I threw monkeys and other jungle creatures in there just to round it out but so far, if I've seen something with pink elephants I've either put it on the registry or just bought it myself. If you are close with me, or have been in the last few years you probably know that I've literally been in love with Ryan Molnar since the second I laid eyes on him- we had an instant connection and even though we were both with other people, staying away- even if it was just as friends at first- was impossible. Making him mine was long, painful process but after a lot of tears and fear (on both of our parts) we got to place of trust, mutual respect, and an all consuming love that takes my breath away every single day. To be having a baby with this man...... the words just don't come. It's just a feeling that I cannot explain and you wouldn't even understand unless you've felt this kind of love yourself. I've been in love many times in my life- sometimes easily, sometimes not- but this is the most complete I've felt with someone in my 30 years on this planet. For almost 4 years now this man has held my heart in the palms of his hands and I trust him with it implicitly.... which is not an easy thing for me to do. And as an amazingly unexpected bonus, I love his family too. They are so welcoming and open- I've felt accepted from the moment I met every single one of them. His mother is beyond sweet and probably one of the most generous people I've ever met in my life. His stepfather is just as welcoming and really quite hilarious if you can get him talking :) And to watch his brother with his son Evan..... I just know he's going to be an amazing uncle to Sofia. I could not be happier about bringing a baby into his family and to be able to call them my family as well. I'm thrilled to embrace his culture and traditions and look forward to giving my daughter everything it has to offer.
This is the bed set we chose, it's called "Tutu Cute" and it really friggin is! Monkeys, hippos, lions, zebras and an elephant princess in tutu's. Seriously. I'm starting to feel things coming together and even though there's still so much to do- I just keep trucking away.
This is 22 weeks pregnant- and I'm happy to say I look damn good. Lol. I still have people tell me every night at work that from the ribs up I don't even look pregnant and I'm closer to 24 weeks now. Even though I still kinda feel like poop, I look good so I'll take it. Work is getting tough on my back and reaching chips and cards gets harder every weekend. I can't even imagine how hard it'll be in a couple months. Should be interesting.
Last week we had a little scare..... I hadn't felt her move in a couple of days and I was feeling so much movement before that I grew so nervous I felt like I was going to lose it. After drinking the most sugary drink I could find- mountain dew- and still nothing, it was time to call the doctor. They were great and had me come in right away so they could check the heartbeat. As soon as the nurse had a good reading and I heard the "thump, thump, thump" of her heart, I burst into tears. The feeling of relief..... the fear lifted off of my shoulders.... The overwhelming love I feel already...... I just couldn't contain my emotions. Which is something I've never really been good at but now that I'm pregnant I just flat out suck at it.
This is my first ultrasound at 10 weeks and the first time I heard the amazing sound of my Monkey's heartbeat. This was moment I knew it was all real and not a dream. The moment I knew my life would never be the same. The moment I knew I could feel even more love than I already do for Ryan and Ace- who has been my "baby" for almost 3 years now. The four of us will be the happiest little family and I'm happier than a pig in shit about it. :)
Sofia...... my advice to you this week is that it is more than ok to have a small circle of people in your life that you respect and trust. Trust is the most precious and fragile gift you can both give and receive in this life, other than someone's love- but the two go hand in hand. Once it is broken, repairing it can seem impossible because it almost always is. Sometimes, if you try very hard it can be put back together but there will always be pieces missing and things are just never the same. Respect and is something that is earned and most people just aren't that deserving of it, unfortunately. Most importantly, trust and respect yourself above all others and you can never go wrong. :)
Thankfully you have stopped kicking my bladder as much, but the karate seminars as I'm trying to go to sleep?? Really?? :) (ok admittedly, I love it)
Love,
Mommy
